very sadly, u cant choose who u are. you can only choose what you want to be. hahahas..how ironic..again there's something wrong with me again. Its ok ill live on and improve. Gosss mans...im scared, lost and need a sense of direction. I seriously love everybody!!for all the help rendered.many loves:)

Yep now that its almost over, I can say this is probably the most pathetic week of my life. I feel damned to write this because I want to forget everything but I think if I didn't it'll be damned because I can no longer keep this crap to myself and I just have to whine.

1. Monday - Tried to make a start on my law pass/fail paper but gave up after staring into space for an hour not being able to figure out how to even make a start. Should've studied for econs instead X_x Felt guilty for stealing a place in the grp during the econs tutorial.

2. Tuesday- Guilt gone away. Spent the whole day figuring out how to do wednesday's accounting tutorial qs. Once again, whatever it was didn't balance and i had no clue what i was doing.

3. Wednesday - Had to complete the pass/fail paper for submittion on Thursday. Only finished at 7.30am on Thursday and had about 3 hrs of sleep before going to submit it . Usually my mum helps me with the manual accounting stuff and my dad helps me with the ethics part. But he was leaving tomorrow so I was just sitting there totally lost.

4. Thursday - Went throuh the qs for the pass/fail qs during the tutorial. I didn't identify the correct issue. The worst part is that I think everyone else got it and I really think I got to rewrite it. SHIT! Came back and had to do business stat homework to be submitted on Friday. Again, I don't know why I got so stupid this week. I couldn't figure a single way to do the qs. I guess this was the real low point because I could probably still tell myself its ok you didn't get the law qs right on first go because I'll have a chance to rewrite it and its new for me. But this is different. I'm no mathetician or super genius, I just think its weird that I read the qs and couldn't figure out how to solve it. Somehow when it comes to doing math, I tend to figure out a way to do something, this time I didn't and I really couldn't at all. I got so disgusted at myself. I was also stressing because i knew that I had an exam at 4pm on Friday.

5. Friday - Woke up early after sleeping for just 6 hrs only has 3hrs the following night, i was DEAD tired. After hours of working on the 3 qs for business statistics, I managed to conjure up some crap working just for the sake of submitting it, I finished at 12pm. Then I realised I had 4 hrs to study for my mid year econs exam. NICE! As I was rushing to get everything I need before leaving the house, the little hole of the button from my favourite jacket got hooked onto the floral iron pattern which is part of the stairs, I was rushing so the impact of getting hooked there threw me back and I landed flat on my back. It could've been worst, i was lucky to shake of the little bit of pain real fast. Then in the car, as I was studying, my mum was asking me if I was OK non-stop because she saw it and she just couldn't believe I was not in pain. As i was busy studying, I was pissed then I decided to explain the whole thing to her once and for all. As I was telling her the button hole got hooked to the stairs, I looked down to my jacket and I nearly wanted to cry. It was fucking torn!!!! This was the jacket I bought only 2 days before leaving Singapore and I went back to Queen's Cputure so many times just to convince myself i should get the jacket though i found it ex. Now theres a 5cm tear and I was really feeling the pinch, my mum was telling me that things happen for a reason and i can always find a better one, "its black, no one will notice it". Oh gosh, I didn't even want to say anything. "Yay shopping time" was the last thing on my mind. All I could tell her in the end was "imagine if your favourite handbag had a defect somewhere and you got it not long ago. People probably won't notice the defect unless they pay attention but that simply isn't the point". I dropped off at the student admin office to pay $60 since 31 aug was the last day to make all payments and while the student admin office ladies are really polite and helpful, their laid-backness was killing me. I was already dying from everything that came down on me this week and their "work-on-friday" attitude wasn't going down well with me or anyone else in the 5 people queue. They were cracking jokes as they were helping out, at that time I wished I was served by some pissy but efficient Singaporean. So after sorting out all that stuff, it was 2pm and from that time till 3.45pm was all that time I had to study for a mid yr exam. Yes 1 hr and 45 mins for 6 topics I had never really made much preparation for. By the end of it, I guess its obvious as to how I was felt.

Today - Last night, I was reflecting on what a shitastic week it was, to say that I'm not happy is really an understatement. But I tried to keep as positive as possible and told myself that I would have a great driving lesson on Saturday. Lessons here aren't anythign like Singapore, I have so much fun and my instructor is cool. However all the stress and deadlines over the past few days made me forgot all about the appointment time I made with my instructor. I thought it was in the afternoon. Then, this morning at 10.30am I got a call from the driving school telling me that i missed my 10am lesson and since no cancellation was made, I had to pay for this missed lesson the next time I see him. I couldn't believe what she said!! So now I'm sitting in front of my mac looking feeling like not even a thousand shots can console me from this miserable week. I'm so tired(maybe25hrs of sleep in total since monday night) and so annoyed -thats why I can't sleep and I guess I really have to complain all about it here because expressing my unhappiness on facebook just isn't enough.

I don't know whats going on, I tried my best in everything this week, sacrificed sleep, stayed away from msn(only chatted to michy for few minutes here and there) and just worked and worked. Did that left out guy cursed me? Well if its becase of my so called "wrong doing" then i guess I really believe that what comes around goes around. Or maybe im the sort of person who doesn't get anywhere by trying so hard, afterall I'm a slacker. I could say being a hardworker this week is so out of my element. Well things should get better from here, if next week is worst I'll be flying myself to Malaysia to see a bomoh to work some black magic on me because I'm not convinced that my luck can get any worst than this. BLEH!

Today is a typical boring Sunday for me. I still don't have my laptop and the computer at the study isn't working. Its six more days till my dad comes along with my laptop, the recovery cd to repair the computer at the study and all my music cds which I miss as much as the food in Singapore.

While being busy(not so) getting by uni life, I'm working hard at trying to find a house suitable for me to stay. I think since I'll be getting a car and a proper license soon, I'm no longer looking exclusively at accomodation in Crawley but nearby areas like Subi, East Perth or Nedlands as well. So it'll be a busy week when my dad comes down.

I was also reading the comments posted on my last blog and I just wanted to wish Inessa the best of luck for her driving test on 22. Its my birthday and hopefully good luck will rub on her. My mum is also really worried because I'm doing my test in October and she thinks I don't know the roads well here so she made me do some formal lessons. I had 2 lessons so far. And really theres nothing to worry about Nessa. You're a much better driver than I am and my instructor basically said that the few important things are not to go above the speed limit or >10km/h under and if theres a stop sign, just make sure you stop. I think the only rule which i had completely no idea about was when I proceeded to go straight at the round-about and he told me that while a lot of road users don't do it, its required in the test and that is to signal left when going straight at a roundabout. Personally I think that is quite silly on top of that, if there really is a left turning and a straight road at the roundabout, you'll still have to indicate left but only after your car passes the left turning so as to not mislead the drivers behind to thinking that you're going left when you're actually going straight. Confusing I know and I don't know whats the point of doing that. But I thought you should know since there are plenty of round-abouts here.

Sheesh, its already the third week of uni life and I don't actually feel that I've learnt much at all. I do complete all my homework and attend all the compulsory sessions for my units. I wonder if uni life really is so much less stressful or maybe I'm just not giving enough. Are other people doing much more than me? I haven't go a clue honestly. But my impression from the tutorial sessions is that everyone is pretty damn smart. Or maybe I've not really been surrounded by people of that calibre till now. All that aside, I'm still clubless and pretty much free every single day excpt for that few odd tutorials and driving. Maybe I should find something more.. hmmm fitness first? A JOB *Puke*? giving tuition?? crashing lectures for the hell of it? Hmmm... well all that plus im in Perth.

Once again, my life is in total trauma. One, I didn't mange to get a flight before the 18th and I'm probably the latest to enrol. I stepped into the office and right away everyone who was serving me went "You're Marilyn aren't you?". Then next was a zig zag game between one faculty to another and back to the same office. To make things better, I screwed up the enrolment of units. I now am enrolled into 4 units for semester 2 and I have an additional invalid one which is creeping me out shitless because I still see lecture and tutorial times for that unit on my timetable. I have no clue whats right, whats wrong. Hell! I don't even know what the fuck I'm suppose to do. I feel quite dumb now I'm actually laughing at myself. To think that I was still watching movies and going out shopping just 2 days ago. What a turn around, this is a HUGE HUGE reality check.

I'm now forcing myself to stay positive and drinking some drink tea because it does good stuff to your stress levels - what and how exactly I don't know. Not to mention the major lack of sleep over the past few days. Probably less than 8hrs for 2 days, thats around 4 hrs of sleep each of the past 2 nights on average. It sucks even more when you get photographed for a uni card after that much sleep and coming straight off a morning flight and endless redundant errands like picking my cat back from the Pet Hotel, buying groceries and looking for nearby accomodation. Its just so embarrassing till the point I rather have my one year old baby fat stuffed rashy face shown ion that card. I'm so tired but I can't sleep because I can't make any sense of my timetable and my unit enrolment problem is making me paranoid.

Help PLEASE? How would this to my manic subject changes and year downgrade in high school? That was a pinch, this is suicide!!!!

So I ate dinner with the PLC people at Oosh. Unluckily, I took a wrong step after getting out of the room and my whole left foot got soaked by the little side water feature that runs along the restarant. I now have a little swollen blister on my very last toe and its just bloted with water probably because of all that soaking. Guess what I'm using to burst it?? Answer : My primary school ancient set square thingey. I forgot whats that called. Someone help me out here. That instrument used to construct circles. God forbid I get an infection tomorrow!

This is sad. I'm leaving in 2 days and the chances of Sasha, Iris, Michy and Tracy all getting together with me for a last meal seems almost impossible. Not to say, I haven't packed a single thing, my room is in a mess, I still have lots to buy, I haven't gone for my haircut and my laptop isn't here yet. Looks like my father will have to bring it all over for me later.

MORE IDIOTICNESS!
I was out at Orchard HMV and I decided to listen to some music that was on the display rack. I'm so damn sure I pressed for the right CD, and after listening to the first song. I decided it was so damn good was going to get the album. On the way home, I was getting excited because all I wanted to do was to open it and play it. But after listening to the first few minutes of it. I realised it was a complete mistake! Not mine certainly, I didn't even know the band at all! I read "GHOSTS - the world is outside" as I listened on and thought what a great first song and album. I'm so disappointed that HMV would wrongly label the music or have the wrong CD in the player. I have no idea. Thank goodness I don't find this band GHOSTS horrible. But I'm going back to find out that song and the right album. I must get it before I leave.